Post by Hewlett on Nov 19, 2011 18:20:35 GMT -5
Well, I'm back. I'm not even going to ask how long I've been gone for, because I know it's been a long time. Too long.And I'm genuinely, sincerely sorry. But my life has been on a downward spiral for a long time, and things came to a head recently. I'm going to explain myself, because I love you guys and I love this forum and I feel a need to let you know why your admin has been shirking his duties and generally letting everyone down. It goes a little like this.
I'm suffering from at least one mental illness. The doctors haven't found anything concrete yet, but there's a definite psychosis. I hear voices, I get paranoid delusions, and I have spent an awful lot of the last three years at home freaking out about the things I think the outside world want to do to me. I'm on medication and I'm in therapy, but it has taken a long, long time to stabilise and things got an awful lot worse back in the summer, when I took my GCSE's (they're like finals for you Yanks), and after a brief recovery period, things got even worse. I was a mess, gibbering and raving and I was very nearly sectioned, but to my doctor's and nurse's credit, they just kept working at it and things are finally looking up on that front. The psychosis meant I spent a while thinking this site was full of spies who wanted to track me down and abduct me (yes, that is crazy nonsense. But that is what my illness makes me believe). I was scared - and more than that, I was scared of coming on here and spouting nonsense at one of you and having to explain myself. So there was that.
But the psychosis isn't the only problem. I'm also suffering from depression of some kind - possibly a type of psychosis with symptoms of bipolar disorder, possibly full-blown bipolar disorder in addition to the psychosis. And that was where things got really bad. I was feeling absolutely awful. Nightmarish pits of despair were the norm, and I lay awake for hours cursing the day I was born and everything I had created because I felt I had never and would never achieve anything and everything I had created was a waste of time and effort and truly loathsome. I was convinced that coming here would be a symptom of my pathetic attempts to create something, and I was so convinced of this that I just hid away. Even when they put me on antidepressants, I was so ashamed that I had thought so badly of what is one of my babies that I still hid away, because I couldn't face it, knowing how much a part of me hated the site.
But that's over now. I am well on the road to recovery. I am back, to complete my vision for the site. I have a lot of ideas that I still want to see carried out, and I'm here to take the reigns from the incredible, awesome and highly capable Teo, who I owe immensely for carrying on my vision in my absence, and start the ball rolling again. But I will warn you - the path to recovery is a bumpy one. There will be times where I disappear, because of how things are for me. But I promise, I will return every time, because I've remembered how much I love Digimon, and how much I love the story I have planned, and how much I love you guys for sticking with the site even when I disappeared. So I'm back. I'm here to stay.
Let's do some RP.
I'm suffering from at least one mental illness. The doctors haven't found anything concrete yet, but there's a definite psychosis. I hear voices, I get paranoid delusions, and I have spent an awful lot of the last three years at home freaking out about the things I think the outside world want to do to me. I'm on medication and I'm in therapy, but it has taken a long, long time to stabilise and things got an awful lot worse back in the summer, when I took my GCSE's (they're like finals for you Yanks), and after a brief recovery period, things got even worse. I was a mess, gibbering and raving and I was very nearly sectioned, but to my doctor's and nurse's credit, they just kept working at it and things are finally looking up on that front. The psychosis meant I spent a while thinking this site was full of spies who wanted to track me down and abduct me (yes, that is crazy nonsense. But that is what my illness makes me believe). I was scared - and more than that, I was scared of coming on here and spouting nonsense at one of you and having to explain myself. So there was that.
But the psychosis isn't the only problem. I'm also suffering from depression of some kind - possibly a type of psychosis with symptoms of bipolar disorder, possibly full-blown bipolar disorder in addition to the psychosis. And that was where things got really bad. I was feeling absolutely awful. Nightmarish pits of despair were the norm, and I lay awake for hours cursing the day I was born and everything I had created because I felt I had never and would never achieve anything and everything I had created was a waste of time and effort and truly loathsome. I was convinced that coming here would be a symptom of my pathetic attempts to create something, and I was so convinced of this that I just hid away. Even when they put me on antidepressants, I was so ashamed that I had thought so badly of what is one of my babies that I still hid away, because I couldn't face it, knowing how much a part of me hated the site.
But that's over now. I am well on the road to recovery. I am back, to complete my vision for the site. I have a lot of ideas that I still want to see carried out, and I'm here to take the reigns from the incredible, awesome and highly capable Teo, who I owe immensely for carrying on my vision in my absence, and start the ball rolling again. But I will warn you - the path to recovery is a bumpy one. There will be times where I disappear, because of how things are for me. But I promise, I will return every time, because I've remembered how much I love Digimon, and how much I love the story I have planned, and how much I love you guys for sticking with the site even when I disappeared. So I'm back. I'm here to stay.
Let's do some RP.